The dreams are the worst.

The dreams are the worst! I hate it when I dream of him.

Last night I dreams it was in a school dorm. It was a large school dorm with huge hallways and really wide staircases. I had run into him several times I think and he had treated me with pure contempt. One day was different thought. I was walking down the hallway with friends and he looked at me with such sad eyes. I excused myself from my friends and walked over to say hello. When I got there, he just started to cry. I immediately threw my arms around him and told him it was okay.

"I'm here. What's the matter? What can I do?" I told him.

"I'm so confused. I'm so sad and confused. I miss you and I miss Tom." he bawled.

"Tom's here! Do you want to see him?" my heart was just pounding and hoping he would say yes. Ant just nodded and I started guiding him gently down the stairs.

We walked into the parking lot and there was Tom in the truck. I expected to see Tom as an adult but he was just a toddler of, maybe, three years old. I was happy to see him as a little boy again. I started to tear up myself.

Ant got in the driver's seat and I ran around the other side. I stopped briefly to get something or pick something up off the floor. As I reached the door, I saw the door was locked and Ant was staring at me with the same contempt I was used to. Tom was in the truck with him and he was going to leave me again.

"No! No, Ant, please! Don't take Tom! Tom get out!" The truck backed up, almost running me over, and he screeched out of the parking lot with my son. I could tell he was heading over to his parent's house for some sort of reunion celebration. I was left alone sobbing and confused and destroyed again. I was horrified!

I know God does not bring fear into our dreams. I wondered why, when I had been praying so much for God to visit Anthony in his dreams, why did I have this dream last night? What is the dream telling me? I'm going to think about it.